I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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