did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found your dick twin last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Enjoy the penises
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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