So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
