Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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