So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
