Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
