i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
