I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
