I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
