my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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