It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
