P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
