You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
