I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday