Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes