Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize