She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
