I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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