Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
