pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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