Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
