it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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