new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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