I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
