Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Do you still have your period?

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(703): Do you still have your period? http://tfl.nu/m9zt

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(917): View more from New York City

we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.

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(917): we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender. http://tfl.nu/r1fg

Replies (24) Good night (1749) Bad night (11000) Order T-Shirt
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(319): View more from Iowa

Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.

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(319): Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk. http://tfl.nu/a04b

Replies (13) Good night (5066) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
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(765): View more from Indiana

She has a lazy eye!

(317): View more from Indiana

My other option is a hardwood floor

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(765): She has a lazy eye! (317): My other option is a hardwood floor http://tfl.nu/pxwj

Replies (8) Good night (481) Bad night (1686)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.

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(843): If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is. http://tfl.nu/wd98

Replies (2) Good night (1015) Bad night (442)
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(514): View more from Quebec

He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why

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(514): He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why http://tfl.nu/b6q6

Replies (10) Good night (796) Bad night (2499) Order T-Shirt
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.

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(814): The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out. http://tfl.nu/7070

Replies (5) Good night (1100) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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(850): View more from Florida

Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?

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(850): Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony? http://tfl.nu/sjtx

Replies (10) Good night (422) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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(204): View more from Manitoba

I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.

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(204): I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL. http://tfl.nu/e718

Replies (7) Good night (1790) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.

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(847): I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday. http://tfl.nu/eqk0

Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (520)
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(845): View more from New York

I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.

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(845): I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it. http://tfl.nu/kwag

Replies (2) Good night (1197) Bad night (267)
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(309): View more from Illinois

my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"

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(309): my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school" http://tfl.nu/0p2q

Replies (4) Good night (441) Bad night (656)
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(310): View more from California

I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.

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(310): I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it. http://tfl.nu/9g38

Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (229)
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(647): View more from Ontario

I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you

(289): View more from Ontario

Is that a sex thing?

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(647): I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you (289): Is that a sex thing? http://tfl.nu/v8ys

Replies (0) Good night (356) Bad night (211)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.

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(832): The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats. http://tfl.nu/ohp9

Replies (2) Good night (917) Bad night (151)

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