at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
