I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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