I want to make a zoo with you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
