that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
