At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
