I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
