Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
