last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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