Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
