You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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