Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
