Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize