he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
