I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
