good thing vaginas are great cup holders
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's the barista slut.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
