where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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