Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
