ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
