Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize