Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
