My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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