Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Buhtt sex?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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