When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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