New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
