They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
