Non-Jews are for practice
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
