She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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