I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
