THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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