Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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