He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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