In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
